Senator F. Jaw is an upstanding leader for free speech. He believes that the American system can do better. He is willing to put himself on the line to get things done. That is why today … ah whatever today is, I am announcing my candidacy for whatever office might be open when I happen to file the papers. That’s not important what is important is that F. Jaw has and can win. That last election when he won nobody believed he could do, but do it he did. And do it he will do again. No I am not referring to that scandal with the woman who used to be my secretary but is no longer my secretary due to reasons beyond my control. I am getting off subject, where was I, oh yes American politics is crap, it has been crap for a long time and we all know it. Not like back in the days when I won the first time, by the way when that was isn’t really important I wouldn’t go looking it up or anything just trust that I won an election at some point in the past and am now running again to bring back the glory days of yore. Of course I don’t think that things like racism or classism or jingoism or the like are good, I am referring to the things that were good like, ah … you know, ah… stuff, something used to be good right, I mean it is right on the tip of my tongue, anyways a vote for me is a vote for chofreeliback, which is change, hope, freedom, and liberty (with the word back at the end because it sounds cool) put together into one word. I love America and I love it that because I hate saying a whole bunch of words I can just shove all those words together and make a different, more challenging word. That is what makes America great, difference, the ability to disagree. For instance, you may think that word sucks, well I think your fat and ugly, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get along, does it? Not in my America. Ugly or not; free or not; hell even American or not we all got a chance to put words together, or if that is not your thing, we got others. How about a requirement that a clown has to make balloon animals at all committee meetings from now on, to keep things light? Or, an amendment to the constitution to take some of those letters out of committee, I mean come on, how many double letters can you put in one word? I mean, seriously? That is why you need me, America. I will make language more economical, in these hardening times I have enough trouble worrying how I am going to make my next broadband internet payment; I don’t have time to write out all those bloody e’s. So the next time you are at a polling place on an off year during one of the worst storms in history, remember to look for F. Jaw, probably like fifth or sixth on the ballot and click that lever, or push the button ar think it clearly, what ever system you have in place there, I can’t be expected to know exactly how you vote in your area, geez.

Written by the committe to reelect Senator F. Jaw. The views expressed herein may or may not reflect the views of F. Jaw himself. He wants to wait it out and see what ticks you off the most. Oops I should not have just written that, oh well.